Respect & Honor
When Arthur Ashe was seven years old, he watched a young man practice tennis on the courts near his home in Brookfield Park. That man was Ron Charity. Ron asked the young Arthur if he wanted to join him and learn how to play the game. Ron took Arthur under his wing and patiently worked with him for 3 years. Later, another tennis enthusiast, Dr. Robert Walter Johnson, invited Arthur to his tennis summer camp for Black youth in Lynchburg, Virginia. At the camp, Dr. Johnson tutored his pupils in tennis and how to navigate a racially segregated society with honor and self-respect. He did this by running a no-nonsense camp. Everyone had chores and duties beyond learning tennis. As Arthur recalls, “Because I was the youngest player at Dr. Johnson’s, I had the dirtiest jobs. I cleaned his doghouse and weeded his rose gardens…I swept the sidewalks, made beds, washed dishes, and rolled the tennis court. I didn’t enjoy these things, but I understood this as my way of paying back, so I did those chores as quickly as I could.” (Off the Court, p. 41). Dr. Johnson’s rules were meant to keep his players out of harm's way. He preached obedience and hard work and instructed them to never argue with the umpire, to pick up the balls and give them to their opponents when changing sides, and to always conduct themselves as gentlemen and good sportsmen. Arthur stated, “They insisted that I be unfailingly polite on court, unfalteringly calm and detached, so that whites could never accuse me of meanness. I learned well. …everything was about being a model citizen, a model student, and making sure you don’t attract attention to yourself.” Throughout his career, Arthur rarely veered from these lessons. Some words that people use to describe his on- and off-court personality include unflappable, graceful, and exemplary sportsmanship.
In 1982, Arthur drew upon these lessons from Dr. Johnson. That year, Arthur became Captain of the U.S. Tennis Team and led with calm determination and respect. He advocated for teamwork and fair play and asserted these beliefs on the court. He was challenged when one of his players, John McEnroe, behaved poorly in a match, hurled insults and obscenities at his Argentinian opponents, and threatened them with a fight. Later during that same match, John became angry with his doubles partner and began berating him in front of the audience. Arthur stopped that behavior and told John that if he didn’t stop, he would call the match. “You cannot continue like this. I do not want to hear another obscenity out here. You are playing for the United States. Remember that!” (Days of Grace, p. 86) Arthur later recalled, “I developed a deep affection for McEnroe, and also a genuine respect for his character and integrity that defused my outrage at behavior often so different from my own. I found ways to forgive him, and I tried to give him what he asked for… What bound me to McEnroe was not simply his rage but also his selflessness in making sacrifices to play for our country, and his artistry on the tennis court. I couldn’t resist that combination. I began to see him as a brother.” (Days of Grace, pg. 90)
Learning and Leadership Activities
Learning and Growing Together
Honor involves taking responsibility. Many people strive to do the right thing and should also be held accountable when they make mistakes. A person who tries to cover up mistakes with lies and deception is not honorable. Look around you and think of a person you know who is considered honorable. How does that person act every day and also during troubling or challenging times? What can you learn from that person, or from Arthur, about what it looks like to act with honor and respect even during unfair or difficult times? Share your ideas with a partner. Then, work together to create a list of strategies for how you might act with honor and respect in your lives. For example, acting with honor and respect when things don’t go well looks like staying grounded in your beliefs, even when no one is watching. The best way to practice this is to be honest in all that you say and do so that others can trust you, especially during unfair or difficult times.
Do You Agree?
Put a sign in each corner of the room/court or designate four separate areas as: Agree, Strongly Agree, Disagree, Strongly Disagree. You will make a statement and each person must either agree, strongly agree, disagree, or strongly disagree with that statement by moving and standing in the designated area that aligns with their response. When you are standing in those areas, share why you chose this response and have a discussion about your differences, commonalities, and range of perspectives. Present some statements that relate to respect (see examples below) or you can come up with the statements where the issue of respect is centered. Here are a few suggestions:
In every situation, you should respect adults – even if they don’t respect you.
Being honest is more important than being respectful.
If someone shows you disrespect, you do not have to show them respect.
Respect means treating everyone the same.
Making fun of a friend is alright if the friend also laughs.
Afterward, talk with the group about your definitions of respect and how this activity either changed, strengthened, or challenged your ideas about respect.
Reflect, Discuss, Write
Reflect on Arthur’s opinion of John McEnroe, even when McEnroe acted less than honorably. Think about, discuss, and write a journal entry that addresses these questions:
How did Arthur reflect and act with honor and respect as he changed his views about another person?
If we all acted with honor and respect in our homes, communities, nation, and world, how might our lives be different?
Tributes to Honor and Respect
Think about someone in your community, nation, or world who demonstrates honor and respect in the life they are living. On a small index card, sticky note, or piece of paper, write a short tribute to that person. A tribute is a statement intended to show gratitude, respect, or admiration. Display these tributes on the wall, or anywhere they will be visible. Share your tributes with the group and tell why this person has impacted your life or the lives of those around them. Lead a discussion about your tributes by asking questions that might include:
What qualities make someone a strong model of honor and respect?
Can someone be a role model even if they’ve made mistakes? Why or why not?
How do people who live with honor and respect affect those around them?
Have you ever changed your behavior because of someone you admire? What happened?
How does seeing someone stand up for what's right, even when it's hard, shape our ideas of leadership?
Role Play
Think about someone who has a very different perspective than you on a variety of topics. Is it possible to respect them even if they stand for ideas that you disagree with?
Role-play with a partner what it might look like and sound like to talk with a person who holds different opinions and beliefs than you. You and your partner must each select one side to “act out.” As you prepare, think about what experiences have shaped your beliefs. What values are important to you? Can you disagree without being disagreeable and rude?
Here are some examples of scenarios you might role-play:
You believe that climate action is urgently needed. The other person denies the scientific evidence and prioritizes economic concerns over environmental ones.
You believe in compassionate immigration policies. The other person believes strict immigration guidelines protect national culture and security.
You support stricter gun safety laws. The other person believes that the right to own a gun should be protected at all costs.
You believe that wealth inequality is unjust. The other person believes that poor people are just lazy and need to work harder.